Here I go …
So. Here I am writing a blog. I always hated the idea, found the whole thing a bit self-indulgent – who would want to read about anything I have to say? But then it all changed this year and I sort of feel like I might need to get a few things off my chest. Whether anyone reads or not doesn’t really matter, it’s more for me than you.
For anyone reading who’s not a friend or a member of my family (hi friends! Look I finally did it after faffing about for so long!), I’m almost 31 and this year has been COMPLETELY MENTAL. In June, the breast cancer I had last year came back and a couple of months later, we discovered it had spread and is now nestling in both my lungs. So that was a bit mad. Three months down the line and I’m back on chemo (no hair loss this time, GET. IN) and it’s all good so far. Essentially, *officially*, it’s gone past the stage where it’s curable and statistically, well let’s just say I probably won’t be around to draw a pension, but who knows what may happen in the future? I am hopeful. But realistic too.
I’ve thought a lot about why I’m doing this and what I want to get out of it and basically it’s this: this is the most surreal thing that’s ever happened to me and it’s complex, crazy, full of ups and downs and I’m already pretty sure it’s going to change me as a person, but absolutely for the best. And I want to share that with whoever cares to read it. Having cancer is not easy on many levels, but it’s also strangely liberating. In some ways, I’m almost calmer and more content than I have been in ages, cos I only really have one thing to worry about now, see? Perspective is a really brilliant thing and I haven’t really had much of that in the past. This isn’t going to be a document of every hospital appt I have cos that would be *very dull*, it’s more about living, loving, laughing and being happy and all the things I get up to. I am happy today.
It’s not that easy putting this all ‘out there’ and I feel a bit vulnerable, but like I said, it’s a form of personal therapy. Life is different now and I’m having to make some changes as a result but it’s also the same, and better, in lots of ways. And for me, that’s massively important.
So that’s that. I shared my big news with the world. EEK! Now I’d better go and start adding some interesting stuff and making this stuff look pretty. Beth, where are you …?