tiltingheads

Cancer and other stuff

Digging like dawgs

When I was first diagnosed with secondaries, I had some cards from my lovely friends expressing their love and absolute, unconditional support. That helped a lot. I still have one in my living room from beautiful Helen, saying: “it’s time to dig deep and I want you to know that when you don’t feel like you can, I’ll be right behind you digging like a dawg – I won’t let you down.” I’ve been replaying that over and over recently because the truth is I’ve only just realised, it’s only just dawned on me how hard and deep I’m going to have to go. And I need my homegirls and boys in my corner, wiping me down, picking me up and pushing me back in that ring when I’m almost out for the count. And I can do it with them, I know I can.

I always said, right from the start, that this isn’t something that just affects me and I know how difficult this situation must be for everyone around me – my family are crushed, so too are friends and colleagues. I cannot even begin to imagine the horror, fear and helplessness they must be feeling. And I wish, with all my heart, I could protect them from that and take it all away. My own fear and pain I can manage, or I will be able to in time – the hurt of others, I cannot. It haunts me every day. To those dawgs who have rallied round with tea, tissues (and ale), I love you. More than I can express. They say that when the shit hits the fan you know who your friends are. And I truly, truly do. So keep those spades handy cos I need you more than ever. Merry Christmas x

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