tiltingheads

Cancer and other stuff

Countdown

I’m off to Marrakech on Thursday for my lovely friend Katie’s wedding to the very dashing Tom and it’s going to be great. Four days in the sun with a load of friends celebrating something as lovely as love. Lush. But, (and there’s always a but, isn’t there?) the week I get back, the madness starts again – scan on Tuesday, results Thursday. And these are big results (again. Seriously there is no let-up). Last time I went away I came back to a bad set of scan results that threw everything up in the air so I’m finding it weird psychologically to break that pattern of thinking … holiday + scan = a tendency to not be very good. I think I just also feel like these drugs could be my best shot and if they’re not working then I’m a bit stumped as to what’s next and whether I can cope with more bad news. But anyway, I’m getting better at living in the day and a week is a long time away. And there is Marrakech first!

There is a reason why things feel a little bit better this time and that’s because there is something a little different going on contextually. Ugh, totally feels weird talking about this so publicly and I’m guaranteed to jinx it now but let’s just say someone has maybe come into my life who wasn’t there previously. And even if it’s only for today, or tomorrow, or next week, it’s totally worth it for it just being good today. In fact, I’ve remembered what it’s like to feel something, even a tiny bit, that I thought would probably never happen again. I won’t go into detail as that’s not very ladylike and even I like a bit of privacy but today I’m happy and that’s enough for now. It could well all balls up in the future but that’s OK because for a while I was happy. No pressure on him now obviously 😉

Anyway, wish me luck with scans. I shall report back duly next week…

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