Right that’s the last time I go on holiday before a scan. Holidays = bad scans and that’s unbelievably, guttingly, annoyingly, exhaustingly what’s happened again today. Turns out these wonder drugs ain’t so wonderful. For me anyway. They haven’t worked and there has been some (minor) growth. So now it’s back to more traditional chemo with the nausea, tiredness, endless white blood cell counts, all the stuff I hated the very first time round (NO HAIR LOSS THIS TIME THOUGH, thank the Lord). 6 weeks of that then another scan so it’s never-flipping-ending.
Not even sure how I feel this time, not shocked and hysterical like last time, more sad and disappointed which is possibly worse. I know I’m going to have to dig really deep now and I’m so very tired. But anyway it could have been worse and there is still one very lovely part of my life which, completely bizarrely, appears to be going from strength to strength so that’s nice.
That’s it for now. More soon. I’m ok though (just!).