tiltingheads

Cancer and other stuff

It strikes again

Yesterday I heard the devastating news that a friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, has been diagnosed with cancer in her bones, having had breast cancer, and seemingly thought she was “clear” of it 2 years ago (lesson to everyone – there is never any such thing as “all clear”, ever). And my instinctive reaction was “I know how she feels”. But then I pondered it some more and have come to the conclusion that no actually, I can never understand EXACTLY how she feels as we’re different people. Of course I can identify with the utter, crippling, goingtobesickanyminute shock that comes in those first few days and weeks, where you just can’t believe it, and any second now, someone will tell you it’s been a mistake. And the devastating sadness that comes after that where you slowly realise they won’t and you somehow have to come to terms with it. But what I hated, and what won’t, I feel, be any good for her, is people telling her they know how she feels, and she should do/see/talk to X, Y and Z. Cancer is a personal thing to everyone who has it and NO-ONE has the right to say they know best. You can only ever offer your own experience and opinion, if it’s asked for. But everyone will find their own way in their own time, a way that suits their life. I’ve made the choices I have for myself and I’m sticking by them. And I truly, truly hope my lovely, undeserving of this shit friend does too. I will be there to high 5 her when there’s good news, and I’ll be there to scoop her off the floor if the news is not so good and her legs give way. But never will I say I know what she’s thinking and feeling because she is an individual and is entitled to feel whatever it is she needs. Darling girl, if you are reading this, my hand is here if you want to hold it. I can’t lie and say it’s going to be easy, the biggest fight of your life is ahead of you, whether you like it or not. But me, and your other friends and people who love you are here and right behind you. We won’t give up on you. Big, big, big squishy love and hugs xxxx

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