Picking your battles
Today I have learnt the art of true compromise and it’s been a good lesson. Too long-winded and complicated to go into in any detail but basically my relationship with my oncologist, Alison, is really coming on in leaps and bounds and we seem to really understand each other. We’re both willing to negotiate a deal that suits us both. I understand she has a very delicate balance to try and find – the absolute middle point of keeping me alive and well while giving me a life. She understands I have to live as normally as possible and that includes not being so pumped full of chemicals that I’m not myself and I can’t function properly. And we seem to be getting along just fine, I trust her to do the right thing for me as a person, not just me as someone with cancer and there is a huge difference between the two. I’m happy to compromise, let her win some battles and focus my time instead on the things that really are important to me. I know I can’t have it all, and probably won’t ever again, but I will make it harder for myself by refusing to meet somewhere in the middle. I wanted the OK for my holiday, I got it. I don’t want to lose my hair and I haven’t. I’d love to have some time off treatment over the summer but it’s still probably not practical or sensible at the moment so I’ll suck it up and get on with it, as hard as it is. There is the possibility of a break in a few months but that depends on getting at least another two good scan results first and when you think I’ve had bad scans for the past seven months, well statistically it doesn’t look good does it? Anyway all I can hang onto at the moment is the slightly brighter feeling today, like there’s lots to be thankful for and who knows what lies ahead? Chemo tomorrow will soon zap those good vibes but I think I’m ready for it this time. Cupboard full of food and fridge full of fruit, lots of water and a clear weekend ahead and I’m all set. Do your worst, drugs!