tiltingheads

Cancer and other stuff

Calm

After the utter chaos and bewilderment that has been the last 10 days, I’m now writing this from my garden catching the late sunshine, glass of beer in hand, having just had an early tea with the BW. Aaaaaand relax. So quick recap: they let me home on Monday and I’ve had to go back every day for blood tests. My neuts have been steadily falling to the point that yesterday, they were 0.03 (at the weekend, in “prison”, I was 0.7). Today they finally turned a corner and are now slowly on the way back up. Am on antibiotics just in case I pick anything up, and am injecting myself daily with blood-thinning drugs to sort the clot out but hopefully I can look fwd to some calm now. One more blood test tomorrow then my lovely boy and I are off to the coast for a week. We’ve managed to rebook Thailand for January so all’s well that ends well.

I cannot tell you what a massive tailspin the whole thing put me into though and I think it will take me a little while to catch up psychologically and emotionally. I’m feeling quite drained. Not only was I admitted twice, I also moved house right in the middle of it so to finally get home to a strange new house in an area you don’t really know has been a challenge. It’s LOVELY though, already we are very happy and starting to get the place in some kind of order. And we have silly little plans about growing stuff in the garden and getting a beehive and producing our own honey eventually which we’re both quite excited about (seriously!).

As well as being really tough for me, the medical madness has, I believe, also been particularly tough for him indoors. My plan was always to introduce him very slowly into my alternative world and unfortunately he’s been smacked right in the face with a harsh, scary and very cruel reality. I’ve been very difficult to handle, he can’t do anything right and I’m sure the pair of us are shitting ourselves. And when there’s fear on both sides, it can be hard to make sense of anything. But we muddled through and are both very glad I am home now (well can’t speak for him I suppose but I know I am). We’re really looking forward to our little holiday on a West Sussex beach now things have calmed down in a bit. Thank you John via Katie! 🙂

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