tiltingheads

Cancer and other stuff

Cecily Kitty

I’ve asked my very special friend Laura to write this blog post, as I feel she can write so much better than I can about what’s been happening for her. Regular readers will know about her and friends will, of course, know her very well …

 

“When Fran asked me to write a ‘guest blog’ I was initially quite reluctant as this is her channel and I didn’t want to encroach.  However, over the last 18 months our lives have become so interwoven, but by very individual circumstances, that I decided I would give it a go.

 

You may remember that a few months ago Fran wrote about me and my family after a lovely weekend spent together at our home.  She wrote about how we tragically lost our baby boy Stanley in June 2010 from an incurable heart defect, and the repercussions that followed.  Throughout our experience Fran was there and we supported each other.  Her dealing with cancer and me dealing with grief.  Very different things but we had many unbearable clichés and well meaning people in common and both had those feelings of being utterly overwhelmed by the cards that life was dealing us.

 

Well it’s been quite a year for both of us but Fran was keen to let you guys know (whoever you may be!) that I have hopefully just had my happy ending.  Four weeks ago I gave birth to our third child, a healthy baby girl named Cecily.  However, it was a long pregnancy and not without incident.

 

Although my pregnancy was straightforward, psychologically it was tough.  I had to have special heart scans and spent a lot of time praying that this time our baby would be okay.  After some appalling treatment by the NHS who did not know how to compassionately deal with a bereaved mother I opted to use private midwives and have my baby at home.  Although this was ultimately a great decision and an amazing experience, my labour was much more difficult than any of us expected.  I had been at it for many hours but things just weren’t progressing and my fantastic midwives realised that my grief was not allowing my body to progress with this labour.

 

Until they mentioned it, I didn’t realise myself that I had some deep rooted emotional stuff going on.  Then it all made sense.  Perhaps I wasn’t allowing my body to do what it needed to, to help our baby enter the world.  I could feel parts of my body tensing and withdrawing with each contraction and it now appeared that I was terrified of allowing this baby out in case she was ill like her older brother had been.  I couldn’t face losing another child.  I couldn’t face any more heartache.  Maybe psychologically I wanted her to remain in the safety of my womb.  After some cuddles with Big G (the husband) I was ready to start again and, cutting a long story short, several hours later and after a huge physical and emotional journey, our beautiful baby girl Cecily Kitty was born in the living room of our home.

 

I sat down on the sofa and cradled this precious wonder.  I was elated  and almost instantly this wonderful little being brought her parents some closure and above all some healing.  It had been a harder labour than we expected and brought up issues I had never expected, but holding this baby girl in my arms was incredible and all I now felt was love.  When our 2 year old son arrived home a few hours later, things finally felt complete.  Naturally I will always grieve for Stanley but my two living babies are bringing me huge happiness.

 

Anyway, this has felt a little self-indulgent to tell you all about my experience but I think Fran knew I needed some cathartic output and I know how much this blog has helped her.  I also wanted people to know that a baby after loss is very difficult and emotionally draining but if you tackle it head on, you can reap the rewards and finally feel joy again.

 

We have now asked Fran to be one of Cecily’s Godmothers.  We are proud that Cecily will have such a strong role model and we are honoured that she has agreed.  We now desperately hope that Franny will get the happy ending that she so deserves too.  Love you FP x x x x”

 

 

I can’t add much to that but suffice it to say I am absolutely over the moon to see my lovely friends so happy again, and to have been given the chance to share in this gorgeous little bundle’s life. See, happy endings do happen.

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