Getting spliced. Again
It’s been three weeks since we had our big wedding bash and I can’t actually believe how long ago it feels now. I’ve been meaning to write about it for a while but it’s safe to say there has been a fair bit of other stuff happen since then, that’s dominated much of our time and thoughts. More on that another time I think.
If you’ve been following this blog for a bit, you’ll know that Andy and I actually got legally married in June, when we did a bunk to Gretna Green on our own, so our recent do was a chance to get all our family and friends together to celebrate somewhat belatedly. During the build-up (and by the way I know a lot more about organising a wedding for 140+ people now than I ever thought I would do. My best advice? Get as many people involved as possible and hire @bmbm to lead the whole thing), we were sure it was ‘just’ a party, we felt we had already done the marriage thing and we didn’t pretend we hadn’t. However, what both of us now realise, especially looking back at the photos, is that it was so much more than that.
We never planned to have two weddings, and I think everyone knows that we were so devastated when Ellie died so soon before her own wedding, that we both agreed very quickly that we couldn’t risk that happening to us so off to very rain Gretna we went, just to cover our backs more than anything. However, having done it the way we have, we’ve both learnt a lot and now we agree it was EXACTLY the way to do it. I’ve heard a lot of people say “oh, it’s just a bit of paper, I doesn’t change anything” and, knowing what I know now, in my limited experience of being a wife, I can honestly say, for us, it’s so not the case. Getting married is a huge commitment, easily the biggest and most serious decision I’ve ever made. And absolutely the best one. Obviously I can’t speak for everyone but getting married DOES feel different, almost instantly. Yes the day to day stuff is still the same, the everyday drudgery of running a house, doing the shopping, cooking the dinner, blah blah blah (most of which Andy does, so you see why I married him). It’s more the closeness, the absolute certainty that you’re never on your own. You don’t become the same person, we’re still individuals who in many ways are very different. But our marriage has made us a unit that we weren’t before, we just weren’t. It’s weird as it’s very subtle but at the same time, completely life-changing. In many ways Andy and I are very lucky as we really have had the best of both worlds by having two weddings. It was never really about a massive day for us at the beginning, we just knew we wanted to be married more than anything which is why running off to Gretna made such sense. There was no pomp or ceremony in that little blacksmith’s shop, our ‘vows’ were over in minutes and the only three people who witnessed those vows were strangers to us (the registrar and two randoms from the gift shop). But we needed that, we needed to do something so huge on our own, away from everyone else. We then got to have three months of exploring what being married felt like, to settle into it, to interpret it, to solidify it, so that by the time September 22 rolled around, we were really comfortable and completely in love with being married. And only then was it time to display that to the rest of the world in such a public way. The way we did it is clearly not for everyone and as I’ve already said, there were reasons that pushed us towards it, but looking back I would honestly not have changed a thing about either of my two weddings, they both meant very different, but equally amazing and joyous things to us.
Our party three weeks ago was easily the most fun either of us have ever had – it’s such an intense feeling walking into a church, in an incredible dress, to see pews and pews of your favourite people, some of whom you haven’t seen for years. Their smiles, their tears, the love and support you can almost physically feel. It’s made even more powerful when you’re already married and you’re starting to get a grip of what it’s all about and you want to shout at the top of your lungs “HEY EVERYONE HERE, ISN’T LOVE AND MARRIAGE THE MOST FABULOUS THING?” I knew NOTHING about marriage before I did it, it has surprised and amazed me constantly since and I am so, so thankful, every second of every day, that Andy came along, saw beyond what some people can’t, loved me and married me. The rest of my days, however many I may have, will always be spent nurturing and nourishing my marriage, supporting and encouraging my husband and being forever grateful for what we have. If I had one wish for everyone, it would be that you felt the same as we do. I hope you all do, or will do one day. Thank you to everyone who came along three weeks ago, thank you for loving us and toasting our lives together. It was a blast. Clearly I had to post some pics at least so here are a few…